Best New Girl Quotes from the Comedy Series (2024)

The beloved comedy series New Girl, which premiered in 2011 and ran for seven seasons, follows the adventures of Jess, a quirky and endearing elementary school teacher. After a painful breakup, she finds herself living with a group of eclectic twenty-something men in a stunning loft apartment in Los Angeles’ Art District.

Most memorable quotes from New Girl:

1. "You're gearing up for another one of your genius moments, right?" – Cece

2. “There’s nothing quite like sitting by a fire, munching on freshly baked cookies, and savoring the sweet, sweet taste of smoke in your lungs.” -Winston Bishop

3. “I’m utterly drained. I feel like the sole caretaker in a commercial for mops.” – Aly

4. “Regrettably, our plans for this weekend have fallen through.”

5. “I take pride in my quirkiness.” -Jess

6. “Drat! My driving moccasins seem to have vanished into thin air.” -Schmidt

7. “They're not exactly bosom buddies.”

8. “I can't possibly end up behind bars! I'm far too adept at sarcasm for the Caucasian gangs!” – Nick

9. “Did someone mention freebies?”

10. “Judging women solely by their cup size? It's the least significant aspect of a woman's anatomy! Unless you're an infant. Are you all infants?” – Jessica

11. “So you're into me? Is it my charming personality?” – Schmidt

12. “Because it's a captivating tale, and I happen to be a skilled raconteur.” – Nick

13. “If I were losing my marbles, would I be taking a weekly selfie with my feline companion?” – Winston Bishop

14. “It's akin to the president and vice president not being on speaking terms.” – Winston

15. “My sincerest apologies, I wasn't aware my existence was to blame for the dismal state of your life and your subsequent misery.” – Winston

16. “If you need me, I'll be in my room, enjoying some mainstream hip-hop.” – Schmidt

17. “So, I had a bit of a romp. I left my body, ascended to the heavens, encountered my grandparents—which was odd—returned, turned into a werewolf, spooked some teenagers, and then re-entered my corporeal form. The only snag is, he believes my name is Katie, and that I'm involved in some sort of puppetry.” – Jess

18. “We are the epitome of cringe.” – Jess

19. “My bid for success was thwarted by my own biological design.” – Jessica

20. “Care for some ambient noise?” – Winston Bishop

21. “This song is my anthem.” – Coach

22. “I foresee a future of solitude. I'll be that eccentric old lady, flashing unsuspecting subway riders.” – Jess Day

23. “There's no shortage of reasons to feel down: the national debt, pollution levels in China, and let's not forget the disappointment that was 'The Hobbit'...”

24. “Kindly deposit a dollar into the jar, immediately.” – Coach

25. “Suggesting I lack expertise in opening a musical is an affront!” – Schmidt

26. “Green with envy because I embody the essence of a True American.” – Coach

27. “It's a dreadful neighborhood. Youths run rampant.” – Schmidt

28. “I've claimed my slice of cake, and you're not getting any!” – Winston Bishop

29. “I seem to have misplaced my driving moccasins.” – Schmidt

30. “Your sentiments have brought me to tears!” -Schmidt

31. “I missed the memo on when society decided to become nonchalant about matters of intimacy.” – Jess Day

32. “There's no shame in indulging in a TV marathon.” -Nick

33. “Exes? I don't entertain them. They're relics of the past. Dispose of them swiftly and offer their remains to Poseidon!”

34. “I'm not keen on it. It comes with far too much responsibility.” – Nick

35. “Whenever a man offers to demonstrate something to a woman from behind, it's just an excuse to get closer and breathe on her neck. It's a common trope in sports movies.” – Nick

36. “I require absolute silence.” – Coach

37. “That's akin to the president and vice president not being on speaking terms.”

38. “Are we dining or not?” – Winston

Sarcastic Quotes:

39. “Nick is hardly a man. He's some kind of peculiar blend between man and boy, with a dash of child. Just the other day, I had to remind him not to yank a dog's tail.” – Jessica

40. “Can we take a moment to bask in my glory?” – Schmidt

41. “Do you even realize I bid you goodnight every evening, and yet you never return the courtesy?” – Winston

42. “For the first time in forever, I'm not completely destitute.” – Coach

43. “My first crush was on a Batman-themed cake, but my first stirrings of desire were for teenage Simba because, let's be honest, he was quite the looker, and I must admit, he still holds a certain appeal.” – Jess

44. “Behold, sustenance! I am a fervent admirer of food.” – Jess

45. “I haven't seen the inside of a laundry room in five months.” -Nick

46. “Schmidt's tears are like a haunting rendition of 'Hey Ya' by a spectral entity.” -Coach

47. “I'm the undisputed master of pranks. They call me Prank Sinatra!” – Winston

48. “Hello, blast from the past! How's life treating that derriere?” -Jess

49. “Brunette, smile that could launch a thousand ships, detests peas?” –Schmidt

50. “Whenever a man offers to demonstrate something to a woman from behind, it's just an excuse to get closer and breathe on her neck. It's a common trope in sports movies.”

From witty banter to insightful observations, these quotes highlight the humor and charm that made New Girl a beloved series. Whether you're reminiscing about your favorite moments or discovering them for the first time, these quotes are sure to bring a smile to your face.